Where The Wind Goes Whistling Down The Plains

January 23rd, 2014

wind blown

Uhhh, I was just singing along as I typed the above words. I can’t help it, musical junkie here. And no, I don’t live in Oklahoma, but it get’s pretty windy around these here parts as well. And plains? Well we definitely have those. But the wind, the wind has been out of control lately. It’s howling out there even as I type.

And it was howling last week as well. In fact, last Saturday morning, as I was shuffling toward my kitchen, I happened to groggily look up at my dining room window and stopped in my tracks. “Huh.” I actually said out loud, “My fence is gone.” I headed for my back door to get a closer look. Sure enough, there laid yet another section of my white, plastic fence in pieces on top of my Black Eyed Susan bush. And wait a minute, I was also missing two patio chairs. I went and stuck my head through the giant hole that used to be a fence and there they were, plastered up against the neighbors wooden fence. It was like they made a break for it through an escape hatch.

escape hatch

I know my little patio privacy fence isn’t the sturdiest of all fences, I mean it was a Menard’s special after all, but this is the second winter in a row I’ve lost a section of fence. Which means I either have a super crappy fence on my hands or that is some cra cra wind whistling down my plains.

Ugly Patio

This was the scene last spring. It’s an ugly scene I know. It looks a bit like the landscapes in the movie “Wall-E”. The earth has taken over. Once the sun came out after a long, hard winter, my Design Assistant came over with electric drill in hand and went crazy on that fence panel. Screwed every single piece together top and bottom. It’s a bit uglier now with all those silver screws sticking out, but it didn’t blow over in the wind either.

So later that afternoon I went over to the folks’ for coffee, our weekly Saturday afternoon coffee (coffee for them, pop for me), 3 p.m. sharp. It’s usually just myself and the Old Folks because you see, I’m the good daughter, I am guaranteed that collection of Precious Moments figurines when they pass on, I’ve put in my time.

Almost before the wind slammed the door behind me I said to the Old Man, “So, I lost another section of fence.”

His response, “Oh yeah, I heard about that.”

“Heard about that?” I said, “How could you have heard about it already, I just found it this morning.”

“Marvin told me on Thursday I think.” he replied.

Ahhh, life in a small town. Marvin would be my back door neighbor. I imagine the Old Man ran into him at “Morning Coffee” (that’s of course before “Afternoon Coffee” but after “Early Morning Coffee” which for the Old Man takes place at 5 a.m. out at the local gas station, it’s a hectic schedule, I know).

So some people might consider Marvin a nosy neighbor, but I’m thankful for Marv. If it weren’t for Marv keeping an eye on my backyard, I’d still have varmints scurrying around above my head as I sit here typing. A couple years back I would be sitting at my computer and hear the pitter patter of disgusting little claws overhead all the time. I mentioned it to the Old Man (because unfortunately for him, my being single means it ends up being his problem to deal with) numerous times and he would just brush me off saying it was squirrels running across the roof.

“No!” I would say, “It sounds like they are in the attic along with who knows what else.” He continued to ignore my subtle suggestions that somebody really should check out that attic. I wasn’t going up there, I just know if I ever did I’d end up taking a wrong step and falling through the ceiling like Clark Griswold in “Christmas Vacation”.

And then one day he ran into Marv (I would imagine at one coffee or another) and Marv informed him that he had witnessed a squirrel squeeze through a tiny hole that used to have a pipe running through it on the underside of my eave. Ha!!! Vindication! I knew I wasn’t crazy.

So I asked the Old Man what we were going to do about it. “Oh, I already took care of it. I covered up the hole with a piece of wood.”

“Well, did you go up in the attic and kick the squatters out before you covered up the hole?” I asked.

“Nope, just covered it up.” he said.

So I would imagine that right now my attic is scattered with the skeletal remains of several squirrels and piles of nuts all around.

“Thursday?!” I said, “That fence has been missing since Thursday?” Shows how observant I am. How did I not notice that gaping hole for two whole days?

So later I went home and gathered up the shattered remains of my major award… oops… started channeling “A Christmas Story” again… the shattered remains of my cheap, plastic fence and stacked them on the patio awaiting a sunshiny day when my Design Assistant/Old Man will return with drill in hand once again. Oh, how I wish that day would get here quick, I’m sick of this crazy wind.

Oh, and because I can’t bear to leave you with that last shot of my Patio Apocalypse from last spring, I’ll post this…

flowers 2

proof that my yard didn’t stay that way all summer. Ahhh, look at those flowers, gotta keep thinking sunshiny thoughts.

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