Here Come The Clampett’s

May 29th, 2013

Remember that awesome “Mad Men” sectional I posted about a while back? The one my sister bought to replace her very old, still amazingly white sofa? Well it recently made it’s appearance at it’s temporary resting place in my parents garage. Two rather large piles of orange and turquoise furniture really classed up the joint, at least for a few weeks. I knew it would sit there comfortably for only a short time because the Old Man can’t handle stuff sitting around his house. The daily newspaper is out in the dumpster some ten minutes after he finishes reading it and one of his biggest pet peeves is the rather large volume of catalogs my mother has laying around the house at all times. I kind of take after him when it comes to the catalog issue. My catalogs used to go directly from my mailbox into the trash can, that is until our local Post Office took the trash cans away, that’s one of my pet peeves.

Mad Men in garage

So anyway, the only way he could get those two piles of cushions out of his domain was to plan a trip to Texas. He was convinced he could get the majority of the furniture in the back of his little, red pickup. Never mind the fact that one of his coffee buddies offered him a nice enclosed trailer, he was going with the little, red pickup option. A trailer would be far too simple. The trailer would have been great for the trip down but you see as former truck drivers there is nothing the folks hated more than having to haul an empty trailer home. I offered to call a few of my friends who I knew would be more than willing to put together an Ikea order that could have easily filled up that trailer for the trip home, but no go.

So on the Saturday before Mother’s Day I went over to the house to try and help him work his magic. He had already completely lined the bed of his truck with a huge, plastic tarp and strategically placed all of the loose cushions on top covering the entire bed. He then had me go get the planks he had cut beforehand to build his base. I was like, “Are you serious? You’re building a platform?” “Yep, I’ve got it all worked out.” So I brought him the wood and he started screwing together the base of his contraption.

Moving platform

He planned on leaving the orange chair behind and I told him that was a deal breaker. “I know Kris want’s that Cheeto chair there a.s.a.p.” I told him. I convinced him that should go in first and could stand on it’s front with the back of the chair resting over the top of the cab. That actually worked. And then the “Great Debate” began. We had figured at least one piece of the sectional would have to stay behind. I told him Kris would want the corner piece left at home because it had no armrest. The one other piece had an armrest and could be set up to look like an ‘L’ shaped sectional. Oh my gosh, did I have to argue. He wasn’t having any of it. I tried to describe my reasoning so many times and it was just falling on deaf ears, literally. Mom agreed with me, didn’t matter, he wasn’t convinced. I actually set up the sectional in what little room I had in the garage so that he could see what I was talking about. He still didn’t want to give in. I tried to explain that Kris and I share a brain and I know this is what she would want. Nope, that didn’t work either. Finally I had to call Kris and explain the situation. And what did she say? “Leave that corner piece at home. I want the piece with the armrest.” VICTORY!! I actually won an argument. If you couldn’t tell, that doesn’t happen often with the Old Man.


So we got to loading the sectional. Everything went in standing on it’s side. The rest of the cushions were crammed in to all of the remaining nooks and crannies. Cardboard was placed between any hard surface that might rub together. Yet another giant tarp went over the top and then the bungeeing began. Bunches of bungees and lots, and lots of rope. My last thought was, “I hope he doesn’t drive out of the garage and have everything hook on the roof and come tumbling off a’ la Clark W. Griswold in the original “Vacation”.” I of course felt the need to voice that opinion and was assured it wouldn’t happen. I let him have that one since I had won earlier. As I left I took one last look and greatly regretted not taking a picture of what we had created. The little, red pickup now looked like the Clampett’s jalopy on the “Beverly Hillbillies”.

They planned to leave at 5 a.m., thank God I wasn’t going on this trip, that is way to early for me. At noon I decided to call Mom and wish her a happy Mother’s Day and see how the trip was going. “Well, she said, we aren’t even to Oklahoma City yet (the halfway point) and we have stopped at least 20 times and spent over $150 on gas.” Oh crap. “Why,” I asked, “are you having to stop so much?” She explained that the tarp was just shredding in the wind and they were having to stop and cut it off in chunks because the noise was so horrible and they didn’t want it flying off of their vehicle and landing on an innocent passer-by. The furniture was all fine, it hadn’t moved, but it was now partially covered by something that resembled a fine linen tablecloth. Finally at yet another stop for gas Dad cut off the remaining shreds so that just the front and the back of the furniture was covered. That was going to have to do. Mom thought they should still get there around 8 p.m.

At 8:30 p.m. I called Kris, since I’m the worry-wart in the family, to see if they had made it safely. “Well,” she said, “they aren’t here yet, they had a tire blow out.” “Are you kidding me?” I asked. “Nope,” she said, “and just 20 minutes from my house.” “So are they just stuck on the side of the road?” She explained that they had somehow gotten a hold of Pep Boys and they were sending someone out. How in the world they ended up with Pep Boys I will never know. Mom told me later that the guy that came out was supposed to just tow them into Austin but he was so disgusted that no one had stopped to help them that he ended up just changing their tire for them. He explained that he would want someone to stop and help his folks out if they were in the same type of situation after all “his folks were old too.” That was a direct quote that really made Mom laugh, Dad of course didn’t hear it.

They finally limped into Leander around 10 p.m. only to have to immediately start unloading the jalopy. They couldn’t very well leave it sitting out since it was no longer covered with any kind of tarp. In the end, after a very long journey, it made it’s way to it’s happy little home and I’ll be giving it a test drive when we head back down to Texas in a week to bring the girlies home to Nebraska for their annual summer vacation at Grandma and Grandpa’s.

Oh, and if you take a look back at that first picture in my post you will notice the freezer positioned next to that pile of furniture. Unfortunately what you can’t see is the plug to that freezer that was no longer in it’s outlet due to it being accidentally pulled out while someone set up a mock living room in the garage. This accidental unplugging was not discovered for a good four days. Yep, welcome home Clampett’s.

4 Responses to “Here Come The Clampett’s”

  1. ang Says:

    I would have totally had an IKEA order for Joe!!!!

  2. Kerri Says:

    I know you would have Ang. You were at the top of my list to call!

  3. Kathryn Says:

    1. I miss the trash can at the post office too!
    2. Laughed out loud at the nice kid’s comment of “my parents are old too”!
    3. And AGAIN that your dad didn’t hear it. TOO funny.

  4. Kriso Says:

    Oh I too regret not taking a picture when they got here so you could have seen the bits of tarp that were left AND so you could see the amount of duct tape hey used in the 20 some stops to the to keep the tarp on! They used 2 rolls of duct tape! So that meant it took us a good half an hour to cut it all loose before we could start unloading! I love my parents, but the trailer was the way too go, because I am sure when you all load up on your way back to Nebraska next week you will look like the Clampits again. I man 7 people and their stuff in one van… Wouldn’t it be nice if we had a little trailer that you could put all you stuff in?

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