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10 Hours and Counting

January 1st, 2015

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I miss MZ BNZ. It’s 10 hours and counting and the walls of the Durango are closing in on me. The new vehicle is definitely not as user friendly for 13 hour car trips as the old golden bullet was. It could have something to do with the fact that we have crammed five fully grown (some of us extra fully grown) adults into a medium sized SUV. Since sleep is apparently not going to happen I might as well update you on the trip so far.

We planned on hitting the road at 12 p.m. and only missed the mark by half an hour. We had everybody loaded up when I decided we needed to stop at my house so I could grab a down vest, I mean how do you know what to wear in Texas in December? As we pulled on my drive Marc announced that he’d better take a quick bathroom break. We walked in my house and immediately he asked, “What did you set your temperature at?” “Huh? I don’t know 69?” “I set mine at 62 and I turned my water off.” No flooded basement during this trip. Only Marc would be concerned about my house’s temperature.

Temperature proved to be an issue immediately as mom, who was crammed in the way back seat, announced that her legs were on fire and she would soon have to begin disrobing if someone didn’t do something about the heat. Well, none of us really wanted that to happen so we started shoving stuff around trying to figure out what was blocking the vent. We finally realized the culprit was Kris’s giant, antique bread pan which was making its return trip to Texas. We could have fried an egg on that pan.

While we were melting inside the vehicle it was a frozen tundra outside the vehicle. I thought it was always supposed to be 10 degrees warmer in Kansas. Not true that day. It was just as cold in Salina, KS as it was back home.

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We stopped at the 24/7 for gas and the Old Man shopped the shot glass aisle while Marc checked out the porcelain angels…

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I mean, who buys this junk? Shelves and shelves of porcelain angels…

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shot glasses and …

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crystal skulls?? What? The only time I’ve actually seen a crystal skull was in “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” (the worst of the Indiana Jones movies). Once we had finished purusing the aisles of the 24/7 we got mom wedged back in the way back seat…

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and were on our way once again.

It was at this point the snacks started to come out. Leftover Christmas candy and in Kelli’s case, leftover Christmas cookies that inexplicably…

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still needed more frosting? Who brings a knife and a tub of frosting along on a road trip?

We drove in snow the rest of the way through Kansas. I checked my radar app on my phone and there was one little pink blip of bad weather on the radar and we were in it. The good news, we were supposed to drive out of it at the Kansas/Oklahoma border… and we did, at exactly the moment we crossed into Oklahoma.

We were now in Oklahoma, the land of cheap gas…

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We stopped at our regular Love’s in Oklahoma City (the one right across from Christy’s Toy Box, (just repeat the name again and you’ll realize what they sell there). This is Dad’s favorite gas station, I wonder why??? Is it the location or maybe the $1.75 gas. Yep, you read right, $1.75. As Marc said, “They’re trying to give it away to us now!” This is also the tank of gas Marc offered to pay for.

We made our way a few more miles down the road and came upon Mom’s favorite stop…

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the Riverwind Casino. Marc dropped us at the front door and we made our way back to the food court on the other end of the casino, only to be greeted by Marc waiting in line to order his supper. He’s magic that way.

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After eating we convinced Mother to just spend an hour gambling as opposed to two and I set off in search of a Dean Martin’s Swinging Party penny slot machine. After an hour, and most of us coming out close to even we hit the road once again.

Kelli wedged herself in the way back this time, which was a bad move. For the next hour we messed around with every dial visible trying to kill the blast of hot air rising up from the floor.

At our next stop at the Oklahoma/Texas state line Mom and Kelli put on a contortionist show switching seats without ever leaving the vehicle. It was quite a sight to see. Both were laughing so hard they could barely move.

We had arrived at the home stretch, the worst part of the trip. This brings me to the 10 hour mark, and the moment my Restless Legs Syndrome decides to kick in. Kind of awkward when you are wedged in a SUV like a sardine. This is also the point where we started in on “Dad are we almost there?” “Dad, when are we ever going to get there?” “You said in two more hours three hours ago.”

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That last hour was never ending. (Kind of like this post) We finally rolled in to the Newman driveway at 2 a.m. Whew, we all started tumbling out of the vehicle, except Mom, it took about 30 minutes to get Mom unwedged from the way back seat.

We unloaded and stayed up to let the girls open the few Christmas presents that weren’t bought in time to be shipped (those would be mine) and finally hit the hay at 3 a.m. with no plans of getting up early the next day.

3 Responses to “10 Hours and Counting”

  1. Angie B Says:

    Hilarious!!

  2. Marc Says:

    This is the guest editorial for the heykerrip website blog. Yes it is true, I am along on this trip much to the surprise of many since I have not been to Texas for over 8 years. It’s actually been entertaining and although I will not be posting pictures, you can imagine the food coma we are in after eating our way through New Years day. Oh ya, I made New Year’s cookies as I always have except for the years we have been on a chemical company trip to a bowl game which has obviously been a loooooong time ago since we don’t play on new years day anymore. So I’m getting pretty good at it. Beyond that, Kelli made her usual buffet of dips and football game day food. new recipes of dips and bowls full of stuff made mostly of cheese and cream cheese and some other kind of cheese. And new things she just loves to make because she is so good at it but now that I weigh as much as average of the Wisconsin O line, I just can’t take it anymore. I have to go outside and do something. The 10 minute workout I got unloading a little pile of wood off of a trailer for Steve Newman didn’t quite cut it. Can’t wait for halftime of the Oregon game so I can hit the streets of Leander for an imaginary jog or just a fast walk. After another 2 days of me they will likely say “leave him home next time”.

  3. angie b Says:

    This is so awesome!!

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